butterflower

3 days

2011-04-20T11:27:00.003-04:00

I'm a non-smoker with short hair.

weird.

goodbye

2011-04-16T14:33:00.002-04:00

I cut all my hair off this morning. at least 12 inches. I panicked at first, cried a little, and then spent some time experimenting with it. Now I'm feeling better.

and a little bit naked, too.

mmmm... harmony

2011-04-15T15:54:00.002-04:00

Sloooow day. These are so few and far between that when they come, I don't know what to do with myself... so I'm blogging. and playing solitaire. and counting the minutes 'til the weekend.

There is an Aromascent candle by Glade at my desk. They're supposed to work as air fresheners even when not lit. The sent is called Perfect Harmony, which I've decided smells like night time and spices and grandma's cooking, a cross between baked pears and sugar cookies.

i love us

2011-04-15T12:49:00.001-04:00

Anna: Maybe they can learn to pee their own pants like in the Marines. [pause] ...as opposed to someone else's pants.

Me: Will you pee my pants for me?

literature in the opium den

2011-04-14T13:45:00.001-04:00

I needed a breather from The Wheel of Time series after book 5, so I started reading Picoult again. I've devoured 3 books in the last 4 days. I think my idea of a break is different from other people. :)

epiphany by carrie bradshaw

2010-06-16T06:47:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, I acted dumb around him. I'd say, "Oh, what's that?" when I knew perfectly well what he was talking about. It made me feel like I didn't know who I was, or who I was supposed to be. I giggled nervously at things that weren't funny. I would become too aware of my mouth, or how I was moving my hands. I began living with a black hole of insecurity that had moved into my consciousness like an unwanted relative who refused to leave yet constantly criticized the accommodations.

EXACTLY!

26 and lovin' it baby!

2010-06-01T09:50:00.003-04:00

I thought I was going to get to work today to find a humongous queue that had built up over the long weekend, but it was actually the opposite. I've gotten 6 jobs in so far and it's almost 10AM.

My Memorial Day weekend was great. My mom took me shopping Saturday morning and then out for lunch. That evening Anna, Amy, Christy, and I went out to Boogie Fever. The music is great there, but the people watching alone is worth the trip.

Sunday morning was baby Landon's christening, so I went out to Grand Blanc for that. Spent some time with the family at Justin and Amanda's. Amanda make homemade pizzas for everyone. I was about to leave and caught my Aunt Denise and Uncle Jerry pulling up to surprise everyone. They drove up all the way from Colorado, so everyone was really excited to see them. I met Anthony in Goodrich and we went back to the house and took advantage of my neighbor's pool. Then he cooked us some dinner and we watched an SNL special.

Monday I spent most of the day over at my Aunt's lake house in Waterford. Spent some time with my cousins and ate lots of food... the norm.

Now back to the grind.

Normal is just a setting on a washing machine...

2010-05-05T14:27:00.005-04:00

Anna and I went to Royal Oak after work yesterday to see Hal Sparks do stand-up. That man is not only gorgeous, multi-talented, and genuinely just a nice person, but he's FUCKING HILARIOUS as well! I literally almost fell out of my chair I was laughing so hard. I met him afterwards and got an autograph. The whole time I was thinking "MIKEY!" Thankfully, I was able to restrain from my signature word vomit.

I think it's Queer as Folk time yet again. :)

Update

2010-04-30T16:50:00.004-04:00

So... I've been reading a few web comics regularly; Questionable Content, Red String, and The Dreamland Chronicles. I am a dork and proud of it, thank you. but seriously... these 3 are awesome.

Anna and I are going to see Hal Sparks (Mikey from Queer As Folk!!!) do a comedy show at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Royal Oak on Tuesday. Tickets are $10 if anyone would also like to partake.

And lastly... I will be helping out with Affirmations Youth Prom on May 22. If anyone knows any GLBT youth that would like to get snazzed up and enjoy this year's Alice in Wonderland theme, let me know.

work...

2010-04-28T15:38:00.003-04:00

It's only 3:40 and the jobs that are left in my pricing queue are either waiting on vendor or Bob. After cleaning out my mailbox and walking over to the Servo Lab to return TC's pen, I now have nothing to do.

Actually, I lied. I do have something to do. I can always listen to Brett talk... whether to me or himself. Right now he's telling me a story about how the pythagorean theorem proved to him that there is a god. :) Awesome.

I ordered books from Amazon today; the 3 remaining Bradley books in the Avalon series, plus the new release from both the Sookie Stackhouse and House of Night series. I love books and I love mail, so win win.

Alright, I should try to look busy.

Patience is apparently NOT my forte...

2010-04-12T13:15:00.004-04:00

We're implementing a new system at work and today was it's official debut. It crashed royally about an hour ago. So now I have absolutely nothing to do.

It's driving me crazy.

WoodWick... fragrance never sounded so good.

2010-04-04T10:48:00.004-04:00

I haven't written a blog post in something like two years. As a self-proclaimed writer, I'm somewhat disturbed by this. So I've decided to attempt to re-enter the blogosphere. Realistically, this thing may very well be dormant again by next week.

Also, before I start rambling, I must acknowledge the fact that one of my posts has spontaneously become a meeting ground for court reporting haters. Literally, if you google "I hate court reporting", the top result will direct you to this little blog. I find this fascinating.

Recapping what has occurred during my blogger hiatus does not sound remotely fun to me. So we're going to skip it.

As for the here and now, life is relatively normal and I'm enjoying it. I'm working at a repair center that deals mainly with GM clients. Every electronics job comes directly to me from shipping and then I have them priced by their corresponding tech. I have a new appreciation for why men love robots.

I volunteer sporadically at Affirmations, a GLBT Community center in Ferndale, which is only about 15 minutes away from my work. I haven't become a lesbian over the past 2 years, I just feel very strong about gay rights. Plus, I love me some gay men. :)

For the first time in my life I am electively single and have been for about a year now. I don't see dating in my immediate future, but I suppose you never know who might come along. Anna and I spend a lot of time together. Now that the weather is improving, we do a lot of scenic driving while listening to our favorite music and talking. It may sound lame, but I'm realizing more and more how refreshing it is to have someone in my life who I can talk to about anything and everything. We are truly kindred spirits, Anna and I.

I have 2 cats now, Gus and Coletrane. They are my sunshine.

I recently returned from a short road trip with Anna to Pittsburgh. We had gorgeous weather for the end of March and I really enjoyed the city. It's quite beautiful... almost like a mini Chicago. The reason for the trip was the first of five shows in Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers' Road to 1000 Tour. We rocked out to two full set list and had a ridiculously good time.

It's coming up on Noon, so I should probably figure out what sundress I'm wearing and curl my hair. Happy Easter!

it's raining...

2008-09-29T22:53:00.002-04:00

...a lot. i hate rain during the day, when i actually have to function in it, but tonight it's calming. i'm running on 4 hours of sleep, so that could be a contributing factor for being easily lulled.

last night i woke up with excruciating back pain for the second time in 2 months. last time i went to the emergency center here in waterford and they figured it was just a pulled muscle. this time it hurt all through my right side and i had shooting pains up my chest. so i returned to the center and they gave me a toradol shot, which they had last time, and then sent me home. the physician treated me like a drug addict and didn't even do an exam. i wanted to kick him in the face.

the shot eased the pain in my lower back, but it persisted in my chest. my mom suggested i go to troy beaumont to an actual ER. after an ultrasound, they found gall stones, so i now have to get my gall bladder removed as soon as possible. fun stuff. ugh.

no luck on the job front yet, but i'm praying for this recent interview i had to come through. i should find out tomorrow. think happy thoughts.

and it's already september '08

2008-09-04T16:04:00.002-04:00

i haven't written in this thing in forever, but i've been wanting to start again. so today is the day apparently. i'm not feeling very intense today, so this will probably end up being ramblings and recaps more than anything.

i'm now living in waterford with anna in 700 sq ft house that is perfect. i brought home a kitten a little over a month ago and named him coletrane. so that makes 4 cats in total at our residence: cole, my gus, anna's gus (who we call goo-bear to differentiate), and max. i think we've officially passed up the "crazy cat lady' threshold. goo-bear, gus, and cole are snuggled up together on my bed at the moment and i honestly couldn't be happier with my living situation.

jobless at the moment, but that should soon be remedied... if the world would stop crapping on me. i'm planning on returning to wayne for my masters in english lit and then hopefully pursuing a PhD at michigan state. they have a awesome Doctorate of Philosophy program there that specializes in gender issues, which i think would be perfect for me. this will probably take me like 10 years to finish while working full-time, but it's good to have goals, right?

i can't handle the cuteness on my bed right now and have to partake. i'll continue later.

yup

2008-02-14T14:03:00.002-05:00

due to some unwanted leakage of this particular blog address, i will be now updating on my myspace blog where only the special people have access.

the end.

hallmark holiday eve

2008-02-13T15:30:00.004-05:00

i bought the dreamgirls soundtrack today 'cause i caught the end of the movie the other night and couldn't get the songs out of my head. now it's all motown up in here. i really wanted sweeney todd too, but i definitely can't afford to overindulge myself right now. finally picked up another book too; 3^rd in l'engle's series.

i start work at panera bread on friday. this will allow me to work mornings while i go to night classes at wayne for my masters. i'm to be a barista and will eventually be able make all kinds of neat coffee and tea concoctions. too bad i hate coffee; love tea though.

ashley is getting a kitten. since my mom ended up thinking gus was absolutely adorable, she finally gave in and let ash look into it. she's adopting one from the paradise animal shelter in lapeer. it's a domestic long hair and she's calling her maya. should be a nauseatingly adorable fluff ball. since kittens are basically the cutest things the lord created, next to maybe actual human babies (and that isn't always the case), i'm going over there after work on friday to love on her. i'm excited, but a little worried about my sister becoming one of those stuck-up women who carry their cats around like accessories. she's already buying everything in pink.

gus is still pretty little, but it still seems like he's growing up too fast for me. now when he jumps on you it's sometimes not so fun. he still loves to groom my hair and drive me insane. he's getting better at playing with hairy (still has no chance, but i don't worry anymore that his little skull will be bashed in). and of course, he's still stinky, but now his breath smells instead of his bum. oh the wonders of pet-parenthood. this all sounds whiney, but i adore my cats like they're my babies. yes, it's a tad pathetic.

oh...also, i quit smoking. that's the end of that nonsense.

since i didn't work this past week and matt worked a lot of night shifts, i watched the first (and only :() season of firefly and the movie follow-up, serenity. i thoroughly enjoyed it. when the movie ended, it was like when i finally finished season five of queer as folk, but not quite as tragic.

let's see...anything else new? matt and i might be going on a cruise with the group in september, which would be fabulous. goodbye michigan, hello caribbean! sounds good to me. in my opinion, cruises are worth it just for those sweet towel animals they put in your room every night.

lastly, a quick something funny. matt's grandparents send us cards every holiday and we got a valentine today. not only was it the most catholic valentine's day card i have ever seen or even thought possible (it actually had a pendant of jesus taped to the inside), but they had addressed the envelope to "Matt and Tiffany Hayes". well, at least i know she's accepted me into the family. :)

long awaited update

2007-12-30T08:54:00.001-05:00

been busy...and lazy when not busy, so this here blog has been neglected. i shall try to remedy this now.

before this past week i've just been working a lot with the occasional hang out with friends and family stuck in between shifts. i've had a burst of accidents happen lately; burnt my hand on our coil stove, broke the ironing board, and then the shower head fell off while i was trying to change the water-flow thingy. matt's dad asked him why he allows me to touch anything, which i'm starting to wonder myself.

christmas was merry, jolly, and all that jazz. went to a party at nikki and matt's with our friends, saw anna and exchanged presents, and spent christmas eve with matt's extended family. then on the day of we woke up together and exchanged gifts, matt made us pancakes, and then we eventually went to my aunt kim's and celebrated there. my cousin justin flew in from arizona, so we all played the jeopardy dvd game that i got for christmas, which lead to matt and i slaughtering the other two teams...naturally. everything turned out really nice and now our apartment is overflowing with gifts that i don't know where to put. those drums from rock band are impossible to store.

strange thing i found amusing...
while visiting with anna she showed me some pictures of my ex-boyfriends new girlfriend. now everyone is thinking, why the hell would you want to see that? well, anna said she had to show me for some reason. and ok, i was curious as well. if the new girl is hideous, it always makes you feel a little warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?

so insuing convo went thus:

me: (thinking to myself) she's not that bad, other than the butch-hair. wait... (turning to anna) uh...she kinda looks like...
anna: uh huh
me: me.
anna: I KNOW!
me: creepy
anna: and she's an english major
me: ew, double creepy

so suffice to say, my ex is dating a new me. interesting. hopefully she'll be more the republican-homophobic-racist-hypcritical christian-biggot that will compliment his personality. then they shall live happily ever after like matt and i. ;)

ashley graduated from the michigan college of beauty this past saturday and is now working in a salon in almont. so everyone should go there to get your hair whatever-ed and tip her big bucks 'cause she's adorable and related to me.

i work in 45 minutes and still don't have pants on.

quickie

2007-11-28T19:22:00.000-05:00

i'm cold. it should snow only on christmas. then again, i should watch what i wish for with the way global warming is going.

i did the 40% off thing at borders yesterday and was pumped when my purchase went from something like $130 to $80. as of now, i'm the only temporary holiday help that has been asked back for a permanent position. i'll be working in the cafe as of 2008. it'll be nice to know how to make lots of coffee and tea drinks. maybe i'll even feel all cool coffee girl-ish. i mean, they're always sweet, right? also, today our district manager was in and told us that the first person who sold a gift card would get a prize. oh yeah, i rocked that shit! and what was the prize? a crisp new $20 bill baby! i'm all for the free cash.

i must socialize now. i love my boyfriend and my kitties! the end.

i want to go shopping, but i'm broke

2007-11-13T14:51:00.001-05:00

i'm so stressed and annoyed about how i'm going to get my teaching certificate that i'm giving up for today and writing this blog. i'd like to scream and hit something, but i've realized that might be a little extreme and i'd scare the cats.

for the first time in my life i'm enjoying a job...and it's retail. that makes it strange, but considering i'm working with books all day long, not so much. i don't get up in the morning saying to myself, "sweet, i work today," but while i'm there it isn't so bad. i'm excited for employee 40% off week. everyone is getting borders christmas presents, so i hope that's not a problem.

what's new? last saturday, matt and i went to scott and emily's place and played some games with them, along with matt nantais, nikki, ken, and bridgett. i got there in the middle of an intense jenga game which got to 32 stories (the limit is 36, so you get the level of crazy). ken finally toppled it, but it was really inevitable at that point. then we played this american idol karaoke game on playstation, which i loved cause i got to sing. scott kicked everyone's ass though because it was hard to stay on the exact pitch of the original artist. matt played a girl and sang falsetto. hilarious.

anna and i are friends again. i'm looking forward to reuniting and catching up. 4 months is a long time when you're used to knowing the usual going ons in someone's life. it's like one of the little negative blocks has been lifted off my shoulders and now it's something that doesn't have to bother me during PMS week.

it seems like gus is just constantly growing bigger every day. i thought he'd be a small kitty because he was the runt of the litter, but now that i'm noticing how big his paws are, i'm thinking i might have been wrong. he's totally hyperactive and does not understand the word "no" at all. he has an obsession with eating my hair when i lay down while purring insanely loud, so our new rule is no kitties allowed in the bedroom at sleep time. he's always tipping over my garbage can under my desk and playing with the contents, throwing pee balls out of the litter box, sticking his head in my cereal bowl, dive bombing every object in the apartment, and walking on my keyboard (which hairy has also taken a liking to, but he won't walk on the keys, just stand directly in my line of sight and rub up against my face). have i mentioned i love my kitties?

worst day of my life

2007-10-29T22:31:00.001-04:00

the scariest day of my life is finally winding down to a close.

it started when the toilet in our apartment wouldn't flush, so i took the top off the tank and found a piece had snapped off. i tried to pull the little ball thing up and the top came off something and a literal geyser errupted. the flow of water was hitting the ceiling and puddling on the floor and everywhere else; seeping into the carpet in the hallway. i paniced when i couldn't get the valve to turn to shut off the water because it had been painted over. so i ran up and down the stairs of the complex, looking for someone to help, but no one was home. after every one of our bath towels and 2 blankets on the floor, it still wasn't getting it all. i finally got it turned off after kicking it. i looked like i had been running for 10 minutes in a down pour.

prior to the geyser finally stopping, i had called matt in near hysterics, asking him to call the office to send someone over to shut off the water. he apparently ran out of class and rushed home to help. i called after i got it shut off and told him it was no longer an emergency, but he was already on his way. i'm sure he would have come home anyways to check things out and make sure i was ok.

when he got here, i was about halfway done cleaning up the mess. he looked around, acting a bit strange. then he looked like he was getting nauseous and started breathing heavy. i thought he was going to be sick or maybe pass out. after a few seconds, he spun around and started attacking something that wasn't there...as if bugs were swarming him. then he fell, crashing his head into the DVD rack, and started seizing. his arms were straight out in front of him and his body was stiff. his mouth started foaming, his tongue swelled up, and his eyes rolled back in his head. his color went from beat red to pale blue in about a minute. immediately after he first fell down, i called 911 and sat on the floor next to him. i was near hysterics by this time, but overall i was surprised how i handled it.

i turned him on his side like i know you're supposed to do when he started choking on vomit and he was mumbling incoherently and flailing around. i was terrified he'd choke to death and die right there in front of me. after the 911 lady hung up, i called my mom and she calmed me down while i held matt's hands and tried to steady his breathing. he was weezing and rolling around on the floor, so i was just trying to make sure he was able to breath and keep him in one place until the paramedics arrived.

a first responder and a police officer got there first and tried to get him alert. when he came around a bit, he was slurring his words and couldn't answer questions like when his birthday was and what day it was. i gave them all the medical info i knew and then called his parents to see what hospital he should be taken to and what else they might need to know. he was in the bathroom vomiting for a good 10 minutes while the paramedics got his vitals and hooked him up to a IV. they couldn't get the stretcher up the stairs of the apartment, so they carried him down on one of our dining room chairs.

my mom, dad, ken, bridgett, and matt's parents all came to the hospital. by the time we got back to see him, he was doing much better. i can't express how relieved i was when i walked into that hospital room and he said, "come here" and gave me a kiss. i had felt so guilty about causing him to get all worked up and i just wanted to see him and know he was ok.

they're not sure what caused it yet. they said it could have been stress induced or it could have to do with his past medical issues. he has a cavernous angioma that was found in 2004 after he had his 1st (and only other) seizure. they did brain surgery, but apparently didn't get all of it. so now he's back on anti-seizure meds and has to go see his old doctor to get tests run again. he can't drive for a while, so i'm taking him to work and school tomorrow. his stupid job can't do without him another day.

i can't explain how terrified i was. i look back and it's as if it happened to someone else. i'm so glad he's ok.

update

2007-10-21T21:13:00.000-04:00

life appears to be looking up lately. the apartment feels like home and i'm experiencing a new feeling of contentness with matt and the cats. we're like a little family. i also got a new job...at borders!! i've always wanted to work there and be around and talk about books all day, but never got a call back. now i start on wednesday and i'm pumped. i might actually enjoy my job this time. school is slowly falling into place as well, but it's still complicated. i just have to get everything done, which is a headache.

for sweetest day i got matt an adorable outfit from old navy...a brown sweater and painter jeans. he rocks them. :) i got a GIANT teddy bear, a framed photo of us at scott and emily's wedding, and beautiful katamari for x-box. i still haven't mastered the whole turning thing yet, but i'm getting better at it.

tomorrow is laundry day, then tuesday is gus' first vet visit, and then work on wednesday.

long time no write

2007-10-15T17:26:00.000-04:00

i'm currently sitting at my new desk from ikea at matt's apartment. well...sort of our apartment, but i don't pay rent yet, so i can't really call it that without being presumptuous. today i moved the last of my stuff in and i'm feeling pretty good about it. this will be the first time i live close to my family without having to live at home. and i get to be with gus and hairy all the time! oh yeah, and matt too. ;)

so gus is our new kitten. i got him for free from a family in almont and he's precious beyond words. he's around 8 weeks now and he got his first bath this morning. tore up my right hand pretty bad, but he smells pretty now. hairy wasn't too ecstatic about him for a few days, but he's adjusted rather quickly from what i've heard. they play and lick each other. hairy's not the most affectionate cat in the first place, but i think gus will have a positive impact.

i haven't updated this thing since the chicago trip, which was great. i got to see my lisha and be in my favorite city with my favorite boy. it was hot and sweaty, but we covered a lot of ground in the short time we were there. walked along michigan ave., saw millenium park, macy's foodlife, navy pier, shed aquarium, bits of wicker park, and ate saturday night at flat top with lisha. matt loved it and we're hoping to move there eventually. hopefully taking ken and bridgett with us.

last time i updated i had 2 jobs, now i have none. i don't really want to talk about it. lots of bad luck. boo. right now i'm looking for anything that'll put money in my pocket so i can start paying bills, ect.

lastly, i went to scott and emily's wedding reception saturday evening. they looked great and i loved emily's dress. the hall was beautiful and everyone had a lot of fun. at least i did. :) good friends, music, and free alcohol usually goes over well together.

yay for being off tonight!

2007-09-25T10:50:00.000-04:00

i'm busy busy busy due to the new addition of a 2^nd job in my life, so i haven't had time lately to blog or, rather, the time i have had has been occupied elsewhere.

i'm actually liking the new job and i'm happy that i don't have to quit the club to keep it. working at 5AM is a little strenuous, considering i have to get up at 3:45 to get ready, but i get off at 10AM and have the remainder of my day to do whatever i want...with the exception of club days. like today...i have no obligations except spending time with matt after he gets off work. this makes me happy. i think napping is going to happen sometime soon as well. working 40 hours is going to help my money situation immensely and soon i should be able to move to lake orion. woo!

went to the rennaissance festival again this past weekend, but this time my family came along. they really enjoyed it, which made me happy because it's really not their kind of thing.

in the reading segment of my existence, i'm still on a feist kick. about to start servant of the empire, book II in the empire trilogy, written alongside janny wurts. It's much more politically oriented than the riftwar saga, but i'm liking it anyways. the best part about these books is that i don't have to buy them since matt already has them all! it's so great to be finally dating a guy who i can share libraries with. i've even been reading his x-men comics. i can't wait for him to finish the harry potter series so i can throw more books at him.

this friday is crystal and tony's wedding, and then early saturday morning matt and i are leaving for chicago to stay with alisha. i'm so pumped to see her, selena, and dale, even if it's only for a day, and i can't wait to show matt around my favorite parts of the city. i've decided we're doing lunch at macy's foodlife and dinner with the old roomies at flattop. i want to get to quimbys, stop by millenium park, and show matt the theatre if there isn't a matinee on saturday. and maybe navy pier if there is enough time and money left over. we're going to listen to david sedaris' audiobook on the way down and it's going to rock!

"dunk it in the toilet"

2007-09-12T19:46:00.000-04:00

i feel like i should update since i nag matt about his blog. not sure if much has occurred in the last 6 days...

got drunk on friday with matt and then mandy came over and joined in. she was her normal drunk-self, spinning around in circles and talking loudly about nothing. it was quite funny. we had to take the tequila away from her.

finally went to the rennaissance festival on saturday and LOVED IT! i've talked my mom into going now and probably ash and my dad will tag along as well. matt and i showed up right when it opened: me in my wrap skirt and him in his kilt. gandalf was there as well. the guy was amazing and not even part of the festival. he just walked around with his staff, just chilling. we saw the joust and i dragged matt to every jewellery stand there. we ended up getting matching puzzle rings, which are really sweet. i love mine. i play with it all the time. i desperately want a peasant shirt and skirt for next year but they're not cheap.

last night i stayed in lake orion and we watched jim gaffigan's beyond the pale dvd. that man is hilarious. i will never look at another hot pocket the same way. when i left the apartment in the morning i was attacked by a rabid goose. i swear it was frothing at the mouth. it chased me to my car while i screamed like a little girl.

i'm applying to sub for lapeer county. i'm getting a background check and finger printing done on friday. applying to teach is making me feel like a criminal.

i read a lot today and i'm finally on the last novel in feist's riftwar saga. can't put the darn books down. someone should totally make a film or two or three out of these books. they'd rock.

today is wednesday, which means top chef in two hours!! yes i'm excited.

yay fall is coming!

2007-09-06T01:46:00.000-04:00

hmmm... what can i write about?

i'll start as usual with my current reading list update. i finished wuthering heights a few days ago. wasn't thrilled by it, but i'm glad i finally read it. if emily bronte had written any other novels, i probably wouldn't have run out and bought them. i plan on staying away from her poetry as well. i also finished gaimon's neverwhere, which i enjoyed. didn't completely wow me, but it was good enough to push me towards more of his work and make me want to see stardust. well... on video at least. ty got to hang out with the guy. i'm totally jealous.

started feist's rift war saga i few days ago. already on the volume II. loving it...possibly more than martin's song of ice and fire series, as much as matt protests against its being the superior read. i recommend this series adamantly for all fantasy nerds out there.

my dad's oldest biological brother harold is in town for a week, staying at the cottage. went to dinner with my parents and him a few days ago and brought matt along. then he came over for a bbq this evening. he's a cool guy...a lot like my dad. i have a new respect for his past and his recovery now that i'm older. man has had a tough life.

took matt, bridgett, and ken to sweet lorraine's on wednesday night. our tab came to $136.00. i love splurging on over priced delicacies when it's not my money. mmm...french onion steak tenderloin. they are coming over friday after work for a sleep over and/or hang out night, possibly accompanied by nikki and nantais. i also let amy and bores know, but amy has to work super early on tuesday and i have yet to hear back from christy. then on saturday or sunday we're finally going to hit the renn fest. my mom said she'd give me a bit of money to splurge and i'm excited. i know i'm going to want to buy everything. never been before and it should be good times. plus, my boyfriend is going to be wearing a kilt and knee highs...so how can that not be fun?

still

2007-09-02T00:08:00.000-04:00

no matter how many times he says i love you, it's still hard to hear.
i still get scared sometimes.
i'm still me.

i hate being an adult

2007-08-30T14:10:00.000-04:00

i decided today not to persue a court reporting certification. i love when i wait until the last minute to make these life changing decisions. nothing ever feels real enough until it's on top of you and then you're like, shit...what am i doing? whenever i told anyone, i always felt blah about it. i'm going into something to do with law where all you do all day is type on a little machine? me...the creative writing major? the poet, the artist, the bookworm? it just always felt off. i doubt i'd enjoy any part of it. but it was a rational, easier, non-dreamer decision and that's the kind of decisions adults make, right?

so i dropped my classes. now my options are continuing my masters at OU in literature or figuring out what else would make me happy without leaving me destitute. if i lived in another state i might be able to find a copy editor or publishing position that i'd enjoy, but i don't. i live in michigan, where spending thousands of dollars on an education in any type of humanities is like burying it in your backyard...pointless.

i'm slightly freaking out about it. a couple minutes ago i was a tad bit more than slightly freaked out, but matt talked me down. tonight i'm going to chill with him and the group (which i'm now dubbing them, because they are basically my friends too at this point and it's awkward to always write all their names out) and tomorrow i will start figuring my life out.

sounds simple enough, right? gah. shoot me now.

oh...my...gosh

2007-08-28T14:35:00.000-04:00

i haven't laughed like i did last night for a long time. thank you to my sister and miss mandy maynard. my eyes were watering, i couldn't breathe at one point, and my sides ached.

reason #459 why i love my boyfriend

2007-08-27T15:12:00.000-04:00

me: i still don't like workout sweat. i had to get right in the shower...now i'm early
boyfriend: haha, why'd you have to get right in the shower?
me: 'cause i hate being all sweaty
boyfriend: ahh gotcha
me: it grosses me out. i always feel like a big sweaty blob
which of course, is extremely unpleasant
boyfriend: ::chuckles:: are you serious? big sweaty blobs are probably the sexiest thing on the planet ;)
me: you just said big sweaty blobs are sexy. this is entirely impossible.
the word blob alone is the anti-sexy
boyfriend: bah
why do you say that? blob may be considered very pro-sexy
me: in some foreign universe
boyfriend: hey, the king of all cosmos likes blobs
me: he's from the universe of video game
boyfriend: he finds them fascinating
me: hence foreign
oh, they are fascinating, i'll give him that
fascinating in a disturbing, can't look away, oh-my-god ew sort of way
boyfriend: actually, i think he even calls them sexy...i could be mistaken ;)
me: ok, that last statement by me deserves a laugh
please proceed with laughing
boyfriend: ::chuckle:: i've been laughing since we started this conversation
me: ok good
because i'm damn funny
boyfriend: that you are...and it's one of the reasons why i looooooove you :)

yo

2007-08-26T23:22:00.001-04:00

result of cranium at ken and bridgett's?

girls rule, boys drool. and kenny apparently lives in a bubble.

weekends

2007-08-26T14:31:00.000-04:00

weekends are no longer kick-back/have fun time for me due to work, but i usually still go out and have a little down time.

friday i went with matt after work to nikki and nantais' place where bridgett and ken joined us. the boys played with nantais' new tv, while nikki made us fruity drinks and we put together nick's birthday jacket for saturday. after it was bleached, gemmed, and de-sleeved, it came out pretty fantastic. and surprisingly no one was injured by the combination of alcohol + iron-ons and hot glue.

nikki found some videos of a past new years' party and her wedding. i got to see matt drunkenly embarrass himself and then we watched a bit of the nantais' wedding ceremony. the girl had jones soda on all the tables...how much cooler can you get?

i ended up having a great time as usual. those girls rock!

after work last night, matt and i went to the red ox tavern in rochester for christy's birthday party. it was nice to hang out with her and amy again, since i hadn't seen them both since we went to mainstreet and i left my license there. carla coons attended, which was crazy 'cause i hadn't seen her since graduation. she seems to be doing well and we caught up. it seems like everyone from high school keeps in contact with a few people. it's nice to get the scoop on the ones you haven't heard about in a while.

i'm dreading work tonight. i just don't feel up to it. hopefully it'll pass by fast enough. i would much rather just spend the evening with matt curled up on the couch watching a movie or him play video games and snuggling. we never have days where we both don't work, so there's always that looming work dread hanging over me. i don't even do anything (which is worse than most would imagine) but it's just the fact that i'm required to do something that night that puts everything off. i need to find another normal work schedule job where i get weekends off. i miss that.

i ended up finding the book i thought i lost where everything else i think i lost turns up...my little sister's room. that was actually the last place i looked because ashley is as much a reader as i am a mathematician, but it turned up that she had taken it to honduras with her on the plane and forgot to unpack it. i love her to death, but my stuff always seems to disappear in there; deodorant, jewellery, cds, dvds...never to be found again. so now i'm reading neverwhere by gaiman, which has a much more horror-y feel than any of the other fantasy novels i've read before. i have a feeling matt would really like it, but i won't suggest another book to him until he finishes the harry potter series, which is not coming along very fast since i tend to monopolize most of his down time. i also picked up wuthering heights like i had planned, but that also has a very ghost-y feel as well and i guess i'm just not feeling that so much at the moment. i'm sure i'll get through them though since boredom is not sustainable on just suduko.

other than work though, life has been pretty enjoyable. :)

lalala

2007-08-24T13:49:00.000-04:00

my workout was a little easier today, which made me feel good about myself. i'm also trying to drink the 8 glasses of water that you're supposed to, which is surprisingly hard to do. makes you pee a lot. :P

i watched emma this morning, the film version of jane austen's novel. i finished all her books and still wanted more, so i picked up the movie yesterday, along with zodiac, which i realized i'd already seen after the first 5 minutes and felt stupid. my mom watched it though, so it wasn't a waste. emma was good, but gwyneth paltrow didn't really capture the character as well as i had hoped. jennifer ehle did a much better job in the 1^st film version of pride and prejudice. i wasn't a fan of the 2^nd with keira knightly, though i do like her. maybe it's because i really like ehle and i wasn't going to be happy with anyone playing mr. darcy but colin firth. he's like every women's fairytale man, as proved by bridget jone's diary...also another example of the original being much better than the sequel.

now i'm out of books, which probably doesn't seem like any sort of tragedy to anyone else but me, but when you work at a job as boring as mine, there is a mandatory need for good reading. i forgot to take the 1^st of the riftwar series by feist when i left matt's this morning. i'm debating whether i should stop by there and pick it up before work tonight or leave a little earlier and go to borders to pick up wuthering heights by emily bronte, since it'll be a closer link to jane austen.

i write entirely too much about literature. i can't help it, it was my first true love.

love

2007-08-23T17:37:00.001-04:00

blah dablah blah blahness

2007-08-20T12:57:00.000-04:00

so i'm sick and it's blah. that's my overall current feeling...blah. for a bit of an over-share, all my orifices are in distress. even my eyeballs hurt. ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get my drift. i left work yesterday after only an hour. but to my credit, i worked 9 1/2 hours on saturday after vomiting in a trash can. you try feeling crappy with nothing to occupy your mind other than suduko. i'd say i'm a trooper, but i'd be lying.

matt and i have been dating for a month as of last saturday. it feels more like 6 since we haven't gone a day without seeing each other since we first met. (it's amazing that he hasn't gotten sick of me yet!) i gave him a white t-shirt that i wrote "property of tiffany" on the front of with a green fabric pen. i am officially the queen of cheap, handmade boyfriend gifts. he got me flowers and a card in which he wrote probably the sweetest things i've ever read, plus the keys to his apartment so i no longer have to camp out in front of his door and scare the shit out of him. i think he may have really nearly crapped his pants last thursday.

it's amazing to be in a relationship where your significant other feels like your best friend; where you feel like you can honestly tell them anything and they won't cut and run; where when they look at you, you can see exactly what your own heart is feeling in their eyes. the mere scent of him relaxes me. it's a new experience for me to feel that i could actually be necessary to someone; that they miss me when i'm not there; that i'm a part of their happiness as much as they are of mine. i love you baby!

/end mushy ramblings

i work tonight and needless to say, my blahness is not looking forward to it. i don't like being an adult. i wish my mom could call work and tell them i'm too sick to come in, like she did back in elementary school. there's nothing like a note from mom to excuse you from everything. back in the day, didn't it feel like you could drop trousers, take a shit on the playground, and somehow mom could get you out of it? at least my work week from hell is over. after tonight i have 3 days off and i have nothing scheduled other than monopolizing my boyfriend's non-work time. tomorrow i will be spending the evening watching the boys play with matt's gi-normous new television/sound system, hopefully accompanied by bridgett. it'll be much more fun to tease them about their manhood issues with a fellow girlfriend by my side. i talk a lot of shit, but i'm actually a little bit excited about watching katamari on that monster. don't tell anyone.

i think i have officially set my own record concerning the discussion of bodily discharge in this post. with that, i bid everyone a dieu.

post-weekend recap

2007-08-13T10:21:00.000-04:00

today my parents are officially no longer married. i'm not really feeling anything but an overall sense of weirdness, since they're still dating and everything.

worked 9-10 hours on both saturday and sunday. ugh. the shifts consisted of reading and playing suduko, with the occasional phone call and potty break. i finished persuasion and am halfway through emma, both by austen. i'm going to have to pick up mansfield park and northanger abbey after my next pay check because i just love her books. next i have a long way down by nick hornby. it was on sale for $4.99 at borders, so i figured i'd pick it up, since i really enjoyed high fidelity. some how i don't see it lasting through the next 9 days in a row that i'm working. but i got today off due to no events being scheduled, so woo!

over the past week or so, i've been watching matt play this japanese game called katamari damacy for playstation 2. this would probably sound boring to 99.9% of girls out there, but i freaking love it. i'll probably try to play it eventually, but just watching is so much fun. it's funny because the game really only consists of rolling up junk into a giant ball in order to make stars, constellations, and planets. it's just hilarious and so entertaining. it's like freaking crack, i swear. plus, the animation is really similiar to the beatles yellow submarine, which you really can't beat. i think i also just like being with matt while doing anything, so that might be part of the attraction as well.

matt's birthday was saturday and we went to dave and busters in utica with a group of friends. i think a fabulous time was had by all. matt got some really awesome homemade presents, plus the man-bag he's been wanting. he picked up some new clothes on sunday to go with it and he's super cute. the girls made him this wicked awesome coat with an iron-on lion head on the back, plus jewels, bells, and dangling beads along the seams. he wore it the entire night and it was hilarious. the group was able to accumulate 5,000+ tickets, but not enough to get the stuffed spiderman that everyone wanted. so instead, though all the boys protested, matt got me the stuffed hippo that i thought was adorable. i named him samwell. my boyfriend is too fantastic to be described in words. a late night taco bell run with ken and bridgett completed a sweet night.

hmm...so that's about it for this update. taking it easy today since i don't have to head over to indianwood tonight and then matt is coming over after he gets off work to chill with me.

questionable content

2007-08-08T11:56:00.000-04:00

so my best friend of 4+ years dumped me. i'm assuming it has something to do with my needy personality, but that was really nothing new to her, so i'm not sure what happened all of a sudden. i think it's rather infantile and cowardly to just up and de-friend someone you've been so close and shared so much with over email. i love how people rationalize throwing people out of their lives like old trash just so they can selfishly avoid a guilt trip.

in other news, i've recently become a fan of web comics. i highly recommend everyone read questionable content 'cause it's very enjoyable.

last night matt and i had dinner at stir crazy (yum yum yum) and then saw hairspray, which was hilarious. there is nothing that compares to john travolta in drag dancing around romantically with christopher walken, while both of them sing about their undying love for one another. plus queen latifa rocks my world.

tonight matt and i are having dinner at my dad's place. he's barbequing up some grub for us. should be fun. :)

just needed to share that...

2007-08-04T13:21:00.001-04:00

...my boyfriend is the best, most adorable guy alive.

end of july already...

2007-07-30T15:16:00.000-04:00

it's flippin' warm in my house. ugh.

so i have shingles. look it up before you're grossed out. it's kind of just like adult chicken pox, but not contagious unless you come in contact with drainage and have never had the chicken pox before. still, not very flattering and they hurt.

got to meet some of matt's friends the other night. we went bowling and i did rather well. out of all the girls, i totally rocked the mostest. i got a 122 my first game, but matt still beat me by like 7 pins. but i creamed him the second game, so it worked out okay. :) his friends are pretty fabulous, though i knew they would be. last night we went to bridgett and ken's and watched the number 23, which wasn't the greatest movie, but entertaining none the less. the company was worth the trip...plus, we got coldstone. french toast flavored ice cream is a wonderful thing.

i'm making matt his birthday present and i'm totally stoked about it. i feel so much more me when i'm creative and making stuff. i hate when i do stuff early though and then the waiting drives me nuts. but it'll be worth it. giving the gift before the actual day ruins it a little.

off to indianwood to sit on my bum and read a feast for crows.

snippets from the life of the poor and unknown

2007-07-26T15:18:00.000-04:00

so...update.

i finished harry potter and the deathly hallows yesterday and i'm a bit sad about it. it was an amazing ending to probably my all time favorite series, but i'm bummed it's over. and i can't help feeling a little bit sad about the characters who died because they become part of you after 7 years of reading about them. yes, i'm a loser. i'm ok with this.

now i'll finally be able to finish a storm of swords and move on to the next book in that series. and then wait until the last book in this one is released. so all is not lost. my geekdom will forever prevail.

so now that i've gotten the most important bit of my life out of the way...books, i can move on to reality. i've spent basically every day for the last week with matt, the fabulous new addition to my life. he's funny, sweet, and cute in my favorite kind of skinny boy, computer nerd type of way. i haven't seen him since yesterday morning and i miss him already. yay for obnoxious new relationship fuzzies and all that fun junk.

i miss my anna, who never answers her phone and refuses to call me back in a timely manner, as usual. if i wasn't fanatically in love with her, i might be pissed, but it's anna and i can't be. if you read this sweetie, fucking call me already!

i have a boyfriend...

2007-07-23T14:58:00.000-04:00

look how cute he is...

it's a good day...

2007-07-16T10:13:00.000-04:00

i finally got a job thanks to my wonderful neighbor. i'm working as a receptionist at indianwood golf and country club in lake orion. i've never seen so many disgustingly expensive cars in one parking lot before. it's kind of sweet to think i work in a castle. today is a huge event for belltire and there is supposed to be around 600 guests. we even have one of those sweet balloon belltire guys in our parking lot. i had to roll tons of silverware last night. ugh.

went out to main street billiards with amy and bores this past saturday. drank and danced a little bit tooooo much. had a blast until i over heated and some russian guy started following me around. amy was excited to introduce me to her jewess friend, who was an awesome girl. bores got her yellow shirt boy. i think i lost my license.

been spending a lot of my free time with tara and the munchkin. no matter how many years pass (we've been friends since I was 6) it's still as comfortable with her as if we were sisters, which i suppose we kind of are. we're so different and so much a like at the same time. i love her to death.

my favorite cousin is in from arizona and i'm excited to see him sometime this week. i've worked from last wednesday straight through until tomorrow, so wednesday and thursday should be a nice break. i get to hang out with both anna and elise at the same time finally. yay!

i've started drawing again since i have a lot of free time at work, so i scanned in a couple pictures for your viewing pleasure. i like to draw fairies...obviously.

quick update

2007-07-06T14:43:00.000-04:00

one of the few good things about my dad moving out is the fact that i can walk around in a t-shirt all day and no one cares. that has been my day so far...lounging in my undies.

francis got me a receptionist position at indianwood golf and country club for fridays-mondays. it pays well and it's not retail, so i'm looking forward to it. i start next week. i also might be working tuesday and thursdays at a real estate agent in lapeer and i start school at the end of august, so things are looking up.

i spent the 4th at my aunt missy's lakehouse during the day with my dad and then went out to lake nepessing in lapeer to see the fireworks with mark, bryan, fitz, and john. the show was really great over the lake. i'm not the biggest fan of fireworks, but i enjoyed it. there was a live band and all the boys were slobbering drunk by the time i showed up, so the entertainment wasn't lacking.

yesterday consisted mainly of my mother driving me around troy to see different doctors. they are testing my labs currently. if those all turn out negative for infections and bacteria, i'll have to go in to be put under for more invasive procedures. i'm hoping that can be avoided though. after the appointments, mom and i went out to eat and bought flowers.

hanging with anna tonight after dinner. my parents are going to see toby keith at dte, so we'll probably just take over the house and/or go swimming.

fantasy, fatness, and faith

2007-06-25T12:45:00.000-04:00

if anyone felt that they could question the fact that i am a complete dork, nerd, geek, ect...i shall now settle the matter for you.

i've been reading a game of thrones by george r. r. martin since yesterday and am absolutely in love. AND...it's a 5 book series. i play WoW and read series from the sci-fi/fantasy section in the bookstore. i am officially a huge nerd.

the cool thing is, i'm totally ok with that. seriously though, the book is genius. martin has created a world like tolkien, just not as fantastical. it's like king arthur meets eragon. yum yum yum.

had my second appointment with my new therapist today and had to basically tell her my entire life story, starting from elementary school. i couldn't remember anything tramatic except the fact that i realized being chubby meant boys didn't like you as much as the skinny girls. that came about when jesse lones dumped me for christy bores in fifth grade.

tomorrow i am hoping to convince my old boss from lane bryant to hire me back again.

someone should volunteer with me

2007-06-22T11:47:00.000-04:00

my body aches. yesterday i went with mark, bryan, fitz, and john to a private park in davison. we went kayaking, paddle boating, and played a round of put put golf. brian and mark fell out in the middle of the lake multiple times. the first time mark fell out he had been intending to save me, but it was brian and not me that had flipped over. i love my mark. :) my arms are burnt, but i had a really great time.

at the end of this month i plan on volunteering at michigan pride which will be taking place in lansing's riverfront park. if anyone wants to come along, let me know. also, september 16 is detroit's AIDS walk. i'm hoping anna will walk with me, but haven't heard from her about it yet. if anyone wants to walk or donate money towards my fundraising, please let me know. i'd really appreciate either one. details on the event can be found here.

i hate my bed

2007-06-20T01:45:00.000-04:00

can't sleep. saw the new fantastic four today with mark, brian, and fitz. corny acting, but it wasn't too bad. mark is such a great friend. he can make me smile no matter how shitty i'm feeling.

tomorrow is my first appointment at the new clinic. hoping it helps some.

i'm seriously considering asking my cousin if i can stay with him in arizona if i find a job out there. there are none here and i think i might fair better in a new place if i had justin around. i'd have to see what the area is like. i couldn't deal with the big city again. he wants me to come visit soon, so maybe that'll help me make a decision. i know he'd say yes if i asked. he's wonderful like that.

something i'm working on...

2007-06-18T01:41:00.001-04:00

i do not remember waking in this room
this room that is not my own
but it is not the birth
that frightens me

it is the days
spent here beneath the ceiling
tumbling over bits of reason
without a way to keep them

i sit here in the center
of a bed with no blanket
today there are rips that were not there before
stains i don’t remember making

they’ve painted the walls with blame
because i do not bleed
i can not stay here
here in this room that is not my own

2007-06-18T00:10:00.001-04:00

i am in my own mind
i am locked in the wrong house

back

2007-06-13T15:55:00.001-04:00

it's been a while...but maybe i'll start using this thing again. just not at this moment.

iron & wine

2007-03-12T20:08:00.000-04:00

well...life is significantly better since i posted last. just got back from my first full day at my new grown-up job. i'm now a report production assistant at lm consultants, an architectural & engineering consultant firm in vernon hills, il. saying that out loud always makes me feel a little important. i work monday - friday, 9-6. only 3 days in, but i like it so far.

and the snow is gone! well, almost. but it's still 50 or something outside and i'm loving it.

anna came down last week and we had a blast. i love love love her so very much. we ate thai food and got hair ripped from our no-no places. it was fabulous.

saturday my aunt was in town and i visited with her for a bit.

so yeah, life doesn't suck so much anymore. though i do have to give myself 2 shots a day, which isn't the greatest new addition to my life. but honestly, it's not so bad.

i hate my life right now

2007-02-14T12:11:00.000-05:00

i hate this city. well, i hate this city with snow.

i just can't handle it. i'm very close to just saying "fuck it"...i actually looked up plane tickets home today or tomorrow 'cause i just need to get out of this fucking cold chaotic place.

fuck grad school that i'm paying out of the ass for which will most likely do me no good. i can't even write one poem a week anymore. i'm so over writing papers. i've been doing it for nearly 5 years now. when does it end? why did i go for writing anyway? what a fucked up idea that was.

now i have to drive home friday for a fund raiser my dad is hosting for me to send me to prague in july. he'll probably make around $1,000, which will still leave me $4,000 in the hole. how am i going to pay for it? why am i letting my awesome parents do this for me if it probably won't even happen?

my sister doesn't even call me to update me anymore on how she is. i'm no longer the first person she tells things because i up and moved away. i seldom talk to my best friend anymore. and to top everything off...it's fucking valentines' day! even though i'm pretty content with the pseudo-relationship i'm in, this stupid fucking consumer driven holiday still pisses me off.

how did i get here?

i couldn't live without books

2007-02-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

tonight: 1st oyez review release reading for issue 34, 5 P.M @ downtown roosevelt campus

i'll be reading a few fiction snipets.

love this:

"What do these children do without storybooks?" Naftali asked.
And Reb Zebulun replied: "They have to make do. Storybooks aren't bread. You can live without them."
"I couldn't live without them," Naftali said.
-- Isaac Bashevis Singer, Naftali the Storyteller and His Horse, Sus

almost monday :(

2007-02-11T22:59:00.000-05:00

it's sunday night already. boo.
but i did have a nice weekend. -->

yesterday, alisha and i went downtown to old navy and h&m. got a few new shirts and a huge red knitted scarf and hat that i'm in love with. nick and i were supposed to go see the shins, but instead we ordered pizza, got high, and played hooplah. then i got to see his new place, which is nice and will probably be pretty sweet once he has running water back.

went to target this afternoon with alisha and we covered the entire store. i think i'm done with my spending spree now. only spent about $150 over the last two days, which isn't even 1/2 of my tax refund, so i think i did well. got a new king size down pillow that is yummy and a few other things that i needed. i'm usually not really a consumer whore, but damn i love target.

after the target run i did some homework and then nick showed up to use the shower and we ate pudding and played hooplah again with alisha.

overall, an enjoyable weekend.

boo winter

2007-02-09T18:30:00.000-05:00

it's too. freaking. cold outside. i can't handle it. fuck painful winds, i'm sitting home on my lazy ass with a blanket and some tea and i don't care what you all say about it. so there.

grey's anatomy pissed me off something awful last night. that's all i'll say about it, since elaborating more would make it look like i may care a bit too much about a television show. which i don't. motherfuckingshitass!

i got a bill today from a company i don't even recognize. i love being an adult.
i also love when it's so cold out that your boogers freeze and then you rub your nose and they scratch something up there and it bleeds. yeah. that happened today.

the above rambling was a bit of a bummer. but it's ok because it's friday and i don't work weekends anymore!

yay

2007-02-08T18:57:00.000-05:00

my girlfriend crissy is getting married in may and i get to be in her wedding. it just makes me smile whenever i think about it. she's going to make such a beautiful bride.

and...she's going to have little korean babies! AHHH!

blah

2007-02-05T00:20:00.000-05:00

they've finally found something that might help my p.c.o.s. and type 2 diabetes. i get to give myself shots in my tummy every day. woot!

but...it might make it at least possible for me to lose weight. so bring on the syringes.

...

2007-01-30T12:13:00.000-05:00

i feel defeated today.
it's only 11:15a.m.

thanks alicia!

2007-01-26T18:41:00.001-05:00

annoyed

2007-01-15T18:46:00.000-05:00

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me

- from nelly furtado's say it all

double negatives annoy me. i don't think she was trying to be ironic either.

i seem to have a lot of duh moments lately

2007-01-15T13:45:00.000-05:00

well i feel rather stupid. i got up early today, so i could shower and go to jewel for a few things before work. i take the el downtown for work and get there on time. as i'm riding the elevator up to the 8^th floor, i'm thinking, "why would an organization that puts on a show to honor the life of mlk be open today?" then the door opens and the floor is empty. go me.

nothing like traveling all the way downtown in the wind and snow only to turn around and go back home. boo.

weekend ramblings

2007-01-14T15:10:00.000-05:00

i haven't been able to fill my anti-anxiety/depressant medication for the past week because my doctor back in michigan doesn't understand that i can't drive up there every month for a fucking check up. this ordeal has led to a dramatic change in my overall emotional state. i've been bursting into tears over stupid things like a female soprano or memories of security. the meds do a good job of regulating my moods, but they basically strip me of the ability to cry, especially when it seems normal and/or necessary. so crying over things as miniscule as a simple smell has thrown me for a loop these passed couple days. plus, to make matters more wonderful, i'm on edge and very easily angered and/or aggitated.

so i'm very happy that jewel has finally been able to contact dr. crandall and refill the script. i'm going to go pick that up after work, possibly along with a movie, but definitely with a pint of häagen-dazs light cookie dough ice cream. then i'm going to download last thursday's new episode of grey's anatomy, watch that on my computer, and then vege on the couch and either enjoy the potential video rental or a few episodes of season 6 of gilmore girls that i haven't got around to watching yet (i think this is because of a lack of anna).

other than my rollercoaster emotional state, my weekend was enjoyable. friday i did a lot of sleeping and cleaning. then i spent around 2 hours just pampering myself with nice smelling things for practically every inch of my body. went to nick's, got high, ate yummy triple berry pie, and played old video games. saturday i worked until 4p.m., then nick and i went downtown to the theatre and saw too hot to handel. like usual, my comp seats were pretty sweet. saw practically the entire office. the show was really good. there was nearly 200 people on stage: a gigantic choir and an orchestra that had both electric guitars and saxophones, which are an oddity for most orchestras. my favorite parts were the alto sax and piano solos and alfreda burke, the lead soprano.

i got kinda sick after the show, which i think is a result of withdrawal from my meds. we came back and watched life as a house and then i basically passed out. this morning i drove nick over to pilsen where he's been looking for an apartment, but the real estate women never showed, so we just hung out in willowbrook and watched home movies until i had to go to work. might go out to hacienda tonight with alisha and her sister who is in town. most likely i'll just be lame and vege.

too early

2007-01-12T08:13:00.000-05:00

wicked was amazing. i had goose bumps the entire show and tears in my eyes at one point. it was just an all around awesome production. the costumes and set designs were some of the coolest things i've ever seen. everyone should go see it.

i forgot to write about going to the art institute finally. i took work off on wednesday (made up for the hours on thursday) and alisha and i went. i love art and i've lived in chicago for nearly 5 months now...so i figured it was time to go. i didn't know that so many of my favorite paintings were there. i was really excited to see some stuff by chagall and i found the painting by jules breton that willa cather wrote about in her novel with the same title, "song of the lark". they also had a lot of van gogh and rodin. i've now seen 2 of van gogh's self portraits: one at the musée d'orsay in paris and one right here in chicago. alisha also showed me the miniature rooms they have on display, which were amazingly detailed.

btw...i have no idea why i'm up this early. i woke up at 6a.m. and can't get back to sleep. i thought about downloading last night's grey's anatomy, but if i wait until 7p.m. today for the encore it'll save me $1.99 and i'm at a spot right now where two bucks is not chump change.

i think i'll start paint it black by janet fitch. actually...maybe i'll just finally pass out and sleep 'til noon.

the musical

2007-01-11T18:52:00.000-05:00

wicked is tonight with the roommates. my christmas present to them...and myself. i've heard great things about it. we have nose bleed seats, but i'm still excited.

then tomorrow is friday, which also translates to "sleep-as-long-as-i-want" day. monday-thursday i actually have to work and be downtown and it always leaves me restless and slightly irritable at the end of the day. even though i work on weekends, it's still seems like a break. no public transportation to deal with and i get to sit and read for the majority of my work day.

i got an email from amy the other day and apparently, her, bores, and kristin are arranging a trip down to me see me in march. i don't know exactly where we're going to put all 3 of them, but we'll find room. i'm looking forward to showing them around.

now all i have to do is get my anna to get down here. my best friend is basically the only close friend who hasn't come visit. that's just not right.

down time

2007-01-09T14:56:00.000-05:00

staff meeting and i've run out of things to do. the office has hired 3 more people for our development department, so some people's work stations were rearranged. the desk next to mine used to be empty, but now bess, the assistant to the theatre's group sales department, has moved in along with her thick southern accent. and she talks to herself. constantly. today, she kept repeating in a whisper, "i'm sweating" for about half an hour.

i've almost caught up on all of grey's anatomy...just a few more episodes in the current season to watch on itunes. completely addicted. thank you alisha. :) i think after i'm all caught up with that, i'll finally try to finish season 5 of gilmore girls. i hate tv (minus the food network, of course), but i love shows on dvd.

i'm currently reading son of a witch by gregory maguire, the sequel to wicked. going to see the play at the oriental theatre on thursday with both of the roomies. then on saturday nick is coming with me to see too hot to handel: a jazz gospel messiah at the auditorium with my comp tickets. i read eragon by christopher paolini over break and then finished off the 2^nd book in the triology, eldest, when i got back. the movie is at the theater, but no one wants to see a geeky fantasy with me. after i finish the maguire novel, i have paint it black by janet fitch (author of white oleander, i didn't even know her 2^nd novel had been released until i saw it at borders for 50% off *score*), a collection of novels by virginia wolfe, and bright lights, big city by jay mcinerney, which i've been trying to find forever and finally bought it off half.com. then i think i might re-read book 6 of the harry potter series to refresh myself for when book 7 is released.

at work

2007-01-06T11:38:00.000-05:00

went cosmic bowling with nick last night. my first game i got a 137! i beat him, but he clobbered me the second game.

i have the greatest friends

2007-01-02T15:42:00.000-05:00

had a great time in michigan. spent lots of time with friends and family. went to coyote joes my last night home with elise and anna and had a blast as usual.

new years was equally great. nick, alisha, and i went to flat-top for dinner, then came back to my apartment and got trashed. played cranium with selena before she went out. i actually missed the ball dropping because we all went out on the back porch and watched the fireworks. it was nice to have someone to kiss and cuddle at midnight.

being stupid with my mom and sister on christmas

alisha and i on new years, drunk as hell...

elise, anna, and i at coyote joes, also drunk as hell (blah, my teeth look yellow)...

quickie

2006-12-28T11:55:00.000-05:00

busy busy lately...but i've been lounging a bit too. been snuggling up at night with a book and loving it.

every year, ash, my mom, and i go shopping the day after christmas. this year we were out from 10a.m. until 8p.m. my sister can literally shop 'til she drops. i was exhausted by the end of the day, but had a good time.

ashley cut my hair on christmas and, though she says she thought it looked fine, i thought it looked like a mullet. i got stressed about it for a while, but then went and had someone fix it up. so now my hair is significantly shorter than it's been for a long time. i'm just happy it's only hair and it'll grow back.

tonight i'm going out with my girls to coyote joes. haven't been in a while and it should be a lot of fun. $1 drinks! it means i'll have to drive home friday, probably with a hangover, but i'm willing to make the sacrifice 'cause we always have a blast.

have to get ready to head over to anna's.

a tad longer than expected...

2006-12-22T15:12:00.000-05:00

back with the family in michigan. before i left, i saw the nutcracker wednesday night with alisha. we had fabulous seats in the orchestra (for free!). the first half was a little dull, but i really liked the second act. i was impressed with the wardrobe and stage design. the fake falling snow was gorgeous. exchanged gifts with the roomies after the show. i'm really glad the girls are as excited as i am to see wicked in january. it's just too bad it's at the oriental or we would have better seats. working at the auditorium has really gotten me in to the whole theater scene and i'm loving it. i'm pretty sure i'll be getting tickets to see diavolo in march which should be a really great experience. not sure if i'll be seeing too hot to handel: the jazz gospel messiah in january, but i should probably go 'cause i've been involved with so much marketing for it.

stopped by dennis' place before i started home. he got me cranium and i can't wait to have a game night with some of our friends. i need to remember to bring trivia pursuit pop culture home so we have that option too. he also made chocolates with mango curry and coconut for everyone for christmas and, of course, they are super yummy.

finally did some christmas shopping yesterday with charles. leaving in a bit to finish up today with my dad. he actually wanted to spend some time with me, so i'm taking advantage of that. after shopping we're going to meet my mom for dinner.

haven't gotten a hold of anna yet 'cause her phone is broke, but hopefully her and brandon will come over tomorrow and do a little gift exchange with me, elise, and bunk like we usually do. also hoping to get to see amy and mark while i'm home. it's too bad i can't stay for new years, but i'm looking forward to spending it with alisha and nick. we're thinking about going downtown to see the fireworks, which will be a new thing for me. sounds fun and on the inexpensive side, which is definitely a must after christmas shopping.

i think having no snow on the ground is affecting my christmas spirit. maybe i've finally hit the age where it starts to fade. i'm sure ashley will make sure i'm all "merry and bright" on christmas morning. we're having a christmas brunch this year with my family, as opposed to the dinner we usually have with my mom's side. we're doing the dinner + gift exchange on christmas eve so that my uncle's family can be there. they're spending christmas day with my aunt's side. i'm glad i don't have to deal with the "which-side-to-spend-the-holiday-with" war. one of the many perks of being a half-breed.

i desperately need a new book. i finally finished irving's until i find you which was 800+ pages and now i'm bookless again. i'll probably pick one up with my chanukah money while i'm out today. i love staying up late reading in the living room with the christmas tree lit up, curled up with a blanket. i looked through my mom's books last night, but i wasn't desperate enough to read nora roberts. not exactly my cup of tea. i stayed up and watched reruns of miami ink instead. i'd like to pick up gregory maguire's son of a witch, but i already ordered it from half.com earlier this week, so i'll have to find something else. speaking of books and being the nerd that i am, the title for j.k. rowling's final book has been released: harry potter and the deathly hallows. yeah, i'm excited.

hehe

2006-12-17T04:57:00.001-05:00

a boy gave me flowers.

vanilla caramel housewarmer

2006-12-16T12:02:00.000-05:00

the reading went well last night. i was really impressed with all the talent that we have in our mfa program. all of the poetry, fiction, and non-fiction pieces that were read were very good. both alisha and dennis came to see me read. i have fabulous friends.

i finally heard fiction pieces from both gil and lori, which i enjoyed. michi read a non-fiction that she had written about buying a bike in boston that was really funny. the final reader, who i don't know personally but i guess she's graduating in a week, read a non-fiction piece about how her sister reclaimed the word "porkchop". She included uses such as, "Does this make me look porkchop-y" and "Man, that was a porkchop move." We were all laughing our asses off.

After the reading, Alisha and i took a cab to rockbottom where we both enjoyed a dinner of macaroni 'n cheese. i also got peach sangria that was yummy. other than having to lug the stupid oyez sign all around downtown chicago and the fact that we had to wait quite some time for the blueline on the way home, it was a great evening.

now i'm on page 4 out of 6 on my final paper for this semester. i'm going to feel so great after this paper is done. only then will my winter break actually start.

been busy...

2006-12-15T18:48:00.000-05:00

today was pretty productive, considering it's my one day off. i did the monstrous amount of dishes that us girls have neglected for the past few days, cleaned the rest of the kitchen (which was getting funky), took out the garbage (probably had something to do with the funk), cleaned my room, and even vacuumed. then i proofread my section of the final printout of oyez, which goes to print monday.

i think i'm going to be reading 2 of my poems tonight at muse cafe, which is located right off the chicago stop on the blueline. the fall 2006 mfa reading starts at 7p.m. people should come, 'cause we're all pretty sweet.

plus, look how cute i am... don't pretend like you can resist this.

bored work rambles

2006-12-09T16:49:00.000-05:00

there's a new designer at kda. i met her this morning for the first time. seemed like a very nice young lady; very professional, well assembled outfit with a perfectly groomed blonde bob. while talking to her, she shared with me that she's married and she and her hubby have their own house with hardwood floors. i later learned that she's 23 and is graduating in a week with a BA in interior design

so yeah, i already have my bachelor's degree and i'm in grad school. but i'm also single, usually unintentionally sloppy in appearance, renting an apartment, and pretty much flat broke. now, don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to sound unhappy with my current situation. it would be ridiculous to whine about being a single writer in her early 20s living in chicago working towards a MFA. i guess it just made me think. what really is the healthiest place to be at this age? i suppose there can't be a ladder rung that every successful life should have reached by now, but ya know.

sloooooow day today. i have now sat for nearly 8 hours on my ass, listening to ridiculously nostalgic christmas music, greeting 1 person on average every 2 hours, and answering 2 phone calls, which both ended up being solicitors on line 7. boring as this might sound, i accomplished a lot. i decided on a final order for my portfolio and wrote my paper detailing its revision and composition process. i wrote the 2 evaluations for my internship and also did my annotated bibliography for hell class. so now i've only 1 paper left before the unofficial completion of my 1st semester of grad school. (unofficial due to the fact that, as part of the oyez marketing team, i still have to assemble on- and off-campus readings for next year.) this final paper is going to consist of many full paragraphs of bullshit.

it's cold. i decidedly do not like cold. i'm all about comfort. pajamas, long skirts, bare-feet, air-conditioning, and blankets are a few of my favorite things. (i'd like to take a minute right now to share with everyone that the beach boys' "lil' saint nick" is a splendid little christmas jingle.) apparently, chicagoland wind really makes a difference, because this place seems significantly colder than michigan. i was really ready to give up the other day; just sit my ass down on the sidewalk and freeze to death on my way to the blueline. ok, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but you get the idea.

i find it interesting that the lemonade i got from jimmy john's has 0% juice in it. doesn't it seem like there should at least be maybe 5% to give it that lemony taste? i'm just a little bit disturbed by this.

update

2006-12-05T16:21:00.000-05:00

my back seems to be all better, but now i'm sick with a killer sore throat. if it's not one thing, it's another, i suppose.

found out today that the joffrey is giving the theatre staff free tickets to see their production of the nutcracker, so alisha and i are going to see it december 20^th.

tonight is the aplon reading on campus at the gage building. after he reads from his work, he'll be critiquing poems by the 4 students in the poetry workshop this semester, which includes me. should be interesting.

a woman in the office keeps her cell phone ringer on during work hours. it must be on the highest volume. there are faculty meetings every tuesday at 3p.m. and every tuesday during the hour of the meeting, her phone rings constantly and drives me nuts. the ringer is some intense jingle that sounds like the song from mission impossible. i really want to answer it and say, "she's in a meeting until 4. STOP. CALLING." i think that somehow might be unprofessional though.

dennis and i want to have a board game night but we don't have any cool board games. i have trivia pursuit pop culture at home, but that doesn't help us here. someone should donate to our cause.

my sister and her boyfriend got matching heart tattoos in the crease between their thumb and forefinger. this makes me gag and wish i had a boyfriend at the same time.

boo boo

2006-12-01T02:33:00.000-05:00

yesterday i spent the majority of my day in the emergency room. my back had started hurting me the night before and the pain quickly progressed to serious discomfort by around 12/1p.m. i left work and by the time i got off the blue line at division, i was having trouble breathing because it hurt so bad. i had to talk to myself to stay calm enough to make the walk home. by the time i got back to the apartment, i was in tears. i tried to lay down but it made it worse. my mother advised me to go to the emergency room, so i drove myself there alone. i was there around 5 hours.

it was not a nice hospital, but it was the closest. it was freezing and all i had was a sheet and no pillow. no one told me what to do or where to go, so i was wandering around hyperventilating for a good 1/2 hour. when a woman finally came out to see me, she asked if i was having contractions and how far along i was. i was ready to freaking kill her until she explained that someone had called and told her a pregnant girl my age was supposed to come in with shortness of breath and cramping, which is what it looked like i was experiencing.

the doctor just told me i had a knot the size of a tennis ball in my back below my ribcage, which was making it hard for my to breathe. they did x-rays, but didn't find anything else wrong. he gave me a script for motrin and vicodin and sent me home. the vicodin is helping somewhat, but i'm still in mild discomfort constantly. it's really irritating and making it hard for me to sleep.

thank god today is friday.

vagina and kaluha

2006-11-28T20:23:00.000-05:00

dennis made me think about how awesome a stuffed animal land would be. then that made me think of this sweet ass movie i saw when i was little that i just adored. i couldn't think of the title, but after 10 minutes of searching everywhere, i found it!

it's called hugga bunch and was released in 1985. it's about a girl who goes through a mirror into another land and is searching for a way to make her grandmother, the only one who knows how to hug, young again. the other land is filled with hugga bunch dolls that are just hilariously adorable. i desperately need to own this movie so if i ever have a little girl, she can watch it over and over again like i did, 'cause it's wonderful.

i just realized how inappropriate the title of this post is when taken into context with the body.

blah

2006-11-27T01:09:00.000-05:00

[edit: DELETED...fuck that]

why?

2006-11-26T15:11:00.000-05:00

there will always be things in existance that i will question the point of, but one of them will always irk me a little more than most:

toilet paper rollers that don't roll.

seriously. what is the point of this? everyone has experienced it. you sit there, ready to culminate your bathroom experience, and are forced to manually wrap the paper around the cylinder because it won't turn. this is a two handed endeavor because no one wants the material that will soon be coming in contact with their nether regions to touch the floor of a public bathroom. tuck behind, grab from beneath, tuck behind, grab from beneath.

these things are called toilet paper dispensers for a reason. they are supposed to dispense, not just sit there. if that was the point, there could just be a little shelf or something. no roller that doesn't roll.

ok. i'm done.

my lil sister the cosmetologist

2006-11-25T22:07:00.000-05:00

ash cutting autumn's hair on thanksgiving

ugh

2006-11-25T15:48:00.000-05:00

back in illinois. i'm really really really tired, but i have 2 more hours of work.

yesterday i had an eye exam at royal oak beaumont. my script changed a bit, so i ordered new frames and lenses. they're a lot like the ones i have now, just a darker brown and wider. afterwards, i drove to grand rapids to stay with charles' in order to cut the drive in half. i couldn't see anything for the 1^st hour of the trip because they dilated my pupils. they said it was fine to drive, but it was sunny out and i couldn't see anything.

so this morning i left at 6:45a.m.-ish michigan time and was able to get here at 8:50 illinois time. i must say i timed that quite well. prior to this trip, i had never nodded off before while driving. i nearly re-ended a van. scared the shit out of me enough to wake me up for the 15 minutes i had left to drive. i'm napping when i get home.

anyone know how to make a bookcase, 'cause i would like one for christmas. something simple would be fine, i'm just not skilled at woodwork. i'd attempt it, but that means i'd probably have to use power-tools and that makes me nervous.

a man has been walking around the showroom for 45 minutes on the phone. what makes this strange is the fact that he has hung up multiple times and called different people. at least i'm assuming it's different people or else he keeps getting disconnected, which means he has a shitty cell phone provider because i get perfect service in here. excuse me mister! where not some giant phonebooth for you to walk around in. it's not bad out. why isn't he out in his car or pacing the sidewalk? people are strange.

i wonder how long i could get away with zonking on the granite countertop before pete busts me?

home home home

2006-11-22T10:38:00.000-05:00

going out with me mum today. then anna is coming over + amy, christy, bunk, elise, and possibly kristin. ash will be home around 7 and i think joey is coming by as well. i am stupidly excited to spend some serious girl time with my anna. it's always an awesome time when her, elise and i get together, so it should be great.

it's weird being home. i woke up multiple times last night and it took a minute to reorient myself.

i should get ready and go get my oil changed and pick up the ingredients for the cranberry sauce i'm making for thanksgiving. i kinda just want to go back to bed though. sleep is so good.

little sister

2006-11-20T22:52:00.000-05:00

when i get frustrated and sad or just annoyed at life and/or people in general...

i remember how amazing my life is sometimes.

this girl is one reason things could never get too bad.
i get to see her tomorrow.

this is my...

2006-11-20T13:11:00.000-05:00

...i woke up late and don't want to go to work face.

...

2006-11-18T11:49:00.000-05:00

i'm pretty sure the most awful thing any woman can imagine doing is giving birth to a dead child.

kim, a designer that i work with on weekends, has a friend that was pregnant with twins. she lost them 5 months into her pregnancy. yesterday she spent 9 hours giving birth to 2 babies, just to have to say goodbye.

this seems unbearable to me. it seems like the ultimate sadness.

For I Have Sinned

2006-11-17T03:21:00.000-05:00

I met a man beneath an island;
a table within a circular booth,
where eyes can avoid committing
and throw hurried glances at faces,
figures in peripheral vision.

Grey Goose, Vermouth, Tanqueray—
glowed down from hierarchal shelving,
contributing to the conversation
and fluid movements of myself
and the immersed sinners around us.

Later I would learn he was predominately water;
with splashes of ethanol,
my vodka sacrament.
That night his wet eyes drank my
blasphemes in like prose on a page.

As one, we visited confession
beneath cotton sheets that concealed our nakedness.
His body swelled, offering forgiveness
after each misdeed I whispered across thread.
Our skin tangled as we swam together
in spiritual devotion.

He became my brimming font;
Dipping myself into him nightly,
his mouth on my body washed away
every blemish. He brought me to the surface
over and over, writhing with penance,
creating me new.

mom

2006-11-16T19:25:00.000-05:00

my mother is an extraordinary woman and an amazing mother.
i don't know what i did to deserve her.

prague

2006-11-16T14:46:00.000-05:00

i recently applied for the second time to wmu's prague summer program. this is the overview from the website:

The culmination of a decade of cooperation with Prague's Charles University, the Prague Summer Program offers writers, photographers and students of culture from a variety of backgrounds the opportunity to be mentored by some of the biggest names in contemporary English-language literature and world photography, as well as by luminaries of Central European culture. Past faculty and guests have included such literary talents as Ann Beattie, Marvin Bell, Mark Doty, Carolyn Forche, William Gass, Donald Hall, Edward Hirsch, Miroslav Holub, Mary Karr, Tracy Kidder, Carolyn Kizer, Ivan Klima, Sydney Lea, Philip Levine, Valery Martin, William Matthews, Christopher Merrill, Grace Paley, Jayne Anne Phillips, Francine Prose, Gerald Stern, Amy Tan, Jean Valentine, Michael Waters and many others.

The eager novice and the seasoned professional alike are mentored with equal seriousness and respect. For the month of July participants will be members of a unique and vital community of artists and students of art and culture. Unmarked by the wars and brutal occupations it has suffered, Prague is considered by many the most beautiful European city. If indeed Prague has been "the Left Bank of the '90s," as has been asserted in the world media, the Prague Summer Program has contributed significantly to that lofty designation.

this morning i found out i've been accepted and offered their john woods scholarship (this is where i do my happy dance). the aid only makes a small dent in the costs because the program is so awesome, but i think i might just be able to go this time. which i'm not sure how to react to. i've wanted to go since i found out about it 4 years ago.

can't sleep...

2006-11-15T09:15:00.000-05:00

last night i finally dragged my ass to jewel and picked up groceries. and i made a ton of stew. then for desert i mixed haagen dazs' vanilla light with pumpkin butter + pieces of a mango. it was marvelous. num num num.

watched an episode of lost with dennis. that show is getting more fucked up every week. i'm sort of over it, sadly. i'm contemplating just waiting until season 3 comes out on dvd and telling dennis he doesn't have to record it for me anymore.

i miss anna a lot. i want to make everything ok for her, which in my imagination includes kicking her pansy-ass husband in the face and/or nuts. i was dreading driving home next tuesday night, but 6 hours in a car isn't so bad when the result is getting to see your best friend. it sounds like amy is going to visit me too, as well as elise and bunk. and of course, ash will be there, with joey probably. can't wait to give them all great big hugs.

i'm reading wicked: the life ands times of the wicked witch of the west by gregory maguire. i suppose i hadn't picked it up until now because i hadn't heard much about it and the whole "other take on an old classic" thing never really drew me in. but now that i've started reading it, i must say it's quite wonderful. after i finish this one, i'm reading 700 sundays, a memoir by billy crystal, followed by john irving's massive (822pg) new novel, until i find you.

i have this awful essay i have to write before break for my makeshift film lit class (that really does not resemble a lit class in any way, shape, or form). i plan on doing it friday and saturday, but i'm trying not to think about it. i hate essays. following this one, i have the final essay due for that class PLUS an annotated bibliography that only the grad students are required to do. i officially loathe interdisciplinary courses. this one in particular is a complete joke. i think a bunch of dumbass important people got together and thought, yeah, why can't we put all these non-relating disciplines together? we'll even make it a grad course as well and just tag on an annotated bib. i got a B+ on my 1st paper. she wrote nothing bad on it except trivial things and when i asked her about the grade, she seemed alarmed. i truly believe she didn't give me an A because a few undergraduates got A's and she had to do something to make grading look more difficult for a graduate student. there seriously was nothing wrong with that paper. apparently she doesn't know i don't do B's. ok, for real, i'm not that arrogant. i'm just annoyed i have to write another paper.

yeah, that would happen

2006-11-13T23:11:00.000-05:00

today, while walking from work to roosevelt, a pigeon pooped on me. on my hand and then it ran down my coat. i had nothing to wipe my hand off on, so i had to walk a block with bird poo on me.

ew.

nicest thing - kate nash

2006-11-13T10:50:00.000-05:00

all i know is that you're so nice
you're the nicest thing i've seen
i wish that we could give it a go
see if we could be something

i wish i was your favourite girl
i wish you thought i was the reason
you are in the world
i wish i was your favourite smile
i wish the way that i dressed
was your favourite kind of style

i wish you couldn't figure me out
but you'd always wanna know what i was about
i wish you'd hold my hand when i was upset
i wish you'd never forget
the look on my face when we first met

i wish you had a favourite beauty spot that you loved secretly
'cause it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see
basically, i wish that you loved me
i wish that you needed me
i wish that you knew when i said two sugars
actually i meant three

i wish that without me your heart would break
i wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
i wish that without me you couldn't eat
i wish i was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

all i know is that you're the nicest
thing i've ever seen
i wish that we could see if we could be something

shenanigans on a granite countertop

2006-11-12T14:00:00.000-05:00

for my friend's last night here, we all went to flat-top grill with alisha, who had previously been telling me about how fabulous the place was. as usual, she was right.

first off, i ordered a raspberry malaysian colada, which has officially redefined the word orgasmic for me. as alisha would say, i felt like i needed to be alone with myself after that drink. the food was amazing, though i was a little weirded out about the way the shrimp looked. i kept thinking about the phrase "bugs of the sea". ugh.

after dinner, we all rolled ourselves out to my car and went to blockbuster for a movie. as usual, most of the new stuff was out, but we ended up with american dreamz, with hugh grant and mandy moore. it ended up being pretty entertaining. i'm always down with the whole making-fun-of-america thing. i bet the soundtrack is just hilarious.

favorite quote from the film:

I'm not physically attracted to other people, but if you want me, I'm yours.

comfy bathrobes

2006-11-12T12:12:00.000-05:00

^ el natural zombie girl ^
i really do not function well in the morning.

more random than usual

2006-11-11T14:15:00.000-05:00

in no way would i consider myself a match maker. i can't even find the right guy for me and i know me...so i don't think there is a chance in hell that i would know who is right for someone else.

this being said, i was thinking about something random today. as all who read my little corner of the internet already know, my friends bunker and elise are here for the weekend. they just celebrated their 3 year anniversary on halloween and i can't picture either one of them without the other. they know, and i know, and everyone else knows, that they will eventually get married and have lots of little bunker babies (frightening, yes...but this doesn't mean i'm not completely excited about it).

so i was thinking about how, if i hadn't introduced them at my halloween party 3 years ago, then there would be slim to no chance that the world would ever have the chance to see little bunker/woolcox babies. and their babies wouldn't have babies and then their babies wouldn't have babies, and so on and so on. so really, i'm responsible for an entire potential pyramid of infinite amounts of babies and they aren't even mine.

i will definitely not take credit for them ending up together, but it does make me smile once in a while when i see them so happy together to think that i had something to do with that happiness.

smile more

2006-11-10T09:48:00.000-05:00

i don't know why i'm up this early

2006-11-10T09:25:00.000-05:00

i've decided to no longer work thursdays at kda due to the fact that it took me 2 hours yesterday to drive 27 miles to work. i came very close to freaking out in traffic. i'll still be working there on weekends because it usually only takes me 35 minutes and i can handle that. this means i'll have 2 days off in a row...like normal people.

bunk and elise are currently asleep on the futon mattress in the main room. last night they arrived 1/2 an hour late at union station, so around 10:30pm. i love waiting in the arrivals area at the train station. it's so satisfying to watch all types of people waiting impatiently for the their loved ones to arrive. i love the moment when they find the person(s) in the crowd as it exits the train and their faces light up.

we ended up going out for some drinks in wicker park after they dropped their stuff off at my place. i realized that i don't like mojitos, which i'm now going to classify as an old person drink. i hate when bunker is right. i should have trusted his bartender knowledge. after elise and i arrived at our silly stage, we started to head back, but made a pit stop at flash taco around 1:30am. while standing in the taco place trying to figure out what to eat, elise and i eyed swank frank across the street and decided to shoot over there instead. that place is a heart attack. all i can say is...fried twinkies, wth? oh yeah, we did it.

haven't decided what the plans are for today, but i figure we'll just wing it. both dennis and alisha are going to be with us tonight, so whatever we end up doing, it'll be really tough not to have fun.

how did i not know about these?

2006-11-09T02:44:00.000-05:00

in inuit legend, the narwhal came to be when a woman holding onto a harpoon was pulled into the ocean. the submerged woman was wrapped around a beluga whale on the other end of the harpoon, and that is how the narwhal was created.

some medieval europeans believed narwhal tusks to be the horns from the legendary unicorn. some believe that noah threw the unicorn off the ark and it evolved into the narwhal.

i'd like to know why they think noah threw the unicorn off the arc. possibly the other animals were jealous and he didn't want to deal with the drama? personally, if god told me to build an arc, gather up 2 of every animal, and sit through a monsoon, i'd probably be a bit testy.

midterm update

2006-11-08T17:08:00.000-05:00

since stopping my meds i'm feeling a bit floaty, like i'm in a bubble. and i think i'm having hot flashes.

some new developments lately. lost a friend, but gained 2. i've reconnected with a guy i dated for a bit from cmu, ty. i don't think anyone who reads this will know who he is. hopefully we'll stay in touch for a while. he's a good guy + he makes me laugh. i'll update on new person #2 at a later date. i will say that he was the reason i was all smiles monday night.

dennis is going to see k-fed tonight. i could have actually went if i didn't have class. i'm sure everyone agrees that this is noteworthy. i'm curious to know if anyone actually goes to his shows because they like his music. if so, i'd like to meet these people and crotch punch them.

bunker and elise arrive tomorrow! this is fabulous on many levels.

p.s. mwahahaha. fuck you republicans.

red scarf project

2006-11-08T02:12:00.000-05:00

i'm doing this. if you knit or crochet, you should too.

sleepy

2006-11-07T23:33:00.000-05:00

i just finished registering for my spring 2007 semester.

ENG 432B: Poetry Writing II - Frank Rogaczewski (Tu 6-8:30pm)
ENG 422: 19^th Century American Women's Fiction: "Scribbling" the Great American Novel - Larry Howe (Tu 2-4:30pm)
ENG 434A: Creative Non-Fiction Writing I - Janet Wondra (W 6-8:30pm)

the only one i'm nervous about is creative non-fiction. it's with janet at least. i figure i can try to do some writing over break and get a feel for the genre. i can see my non-fiction pieces just being really long poems though. i hope i don't suck.

i've had a new revelation...

2006-11-07T12:02:00.000-05:00

i'm a very big fan of leggings. nothing like something that allows you to wear skirts in the winter without freezing your toosh off.

look what i found on my old camera...

2006-11-07T11:27:00.000-05:00

elise, me, and ashley at anna's wedding

revision

2006-11-07T11:22:00.000-05:00

Take the Red Line to Loyola

She blows smoke through matted strands
while the homeless ask if she has a place to stay.
She ignores their grime with only a fidget,
picturing herself at home on a park bench.

It’s late and she knows she’s sweet flesh
propped up against the subway concrete.
She waits for her stranger to retrieve her
and initiate her into this urban world.

Introductions take moments in November—
she follows obediently with quick steps as
he towers over her with a Travolta drag
and the stench of masculinity.

There’s a hello and he hands her a joint.
She’s crossed-legged on the couch just minutes
before he invites her into his room, his mouth,
and his god-like body.

She is woman inside his giant grasp,
terrified under his colossal form.
She needs to rip his body apart—
whisper against fingers and listen to palms

because his desire fulfills her now.
His body is firm and blankets her as she
trembles. For these moments she is beautiful;
In these moments she feels she is lovely.