...

i feel defeated today.
it's only 11:15a.m.

thanks alicia!

annoyed

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me

- from nelly furtado's say it all

double negatives annoy me. i don't think she was trying to be ironic either.

i seem to have a lot of duh moments lately

well i feel rather stupid. i got up early today, so i could shower and go to jewel for a few things before work. i take the el downtown for work and get there on time. as i'm riding the elevator up to the 8^th floor, i'm thinking, "why would an organization that puts on a show to honor the life of mlk be open today?" then the door opens and the floor is empty. go me.

nothing like traveling all the way downtown in the wind and snow only to turn around and go back home. boo.

weekend ramblings

i haven't been able to fill my anti-anxiety/depressant medication for the past week because my doctor back in michigan doesn't understand that i can't drive up there every month for a fucking check up. this ordeal has led to a dramatic change in my overall emotional state. i've been bursting into tears over stupid things like a female soprano or memories of security. the meds do a good job of regulating my moods, but they basically strip me of the ability to cry, especially when it seems normal and/or necessary. so crying over things as miniscule as a simple smell has thrown me for a loop these passed couple days. plus, to make matters more wonderful, i'm on edge and very easily angered and/or aggitated.

so i'm very happy that jewel has finally been able to contact dr. crandall and refill the script. i'm going to go pick that up after work, possibly along with a movie, but definitely with a pint of häagen-dazs light cookie dough ice cream. then i'm going to download last thursday's new episode of grey's anatomy, watch that on my computer, and then vege on the couch and either enjoy the potential video rental or a few episodes of season 6 of gilmore girls that i haven't got around to watching yet (i think this is because of a lack of anna).

other than my rollercoaster emotional state, my weekend was enjoyable. friday i did a lot of sleeping and cleaning. then i spent around 2 hours just pampering myself with nice smelling things for practically every inch of my body. went to nick's, got high, ate yummy triple berry pie, and played old video games. saturday i worked until 4p.m., then nick and i went downtown to the theatre and saw too hot to handel. like usual, my comp seats were pretty sweet. saw practically the entire office. the show was really good. there was nearly 200 people on stage: a gigantic choir and an orchestra that had both electric guitars and saxophones, which are an oddity for most orchestras. my favorite parts were the alto sax and piano solos and alfreda burke, the lead soprano.

i got kinda sick after the show, which i think is a result of withdrawal from my meds. we came back and watched life as a house and then i basically passed out. this morning i drove nick over to pilsen where he's been looking for an apartment, but the real estate women never showed, so we just hung out in willowbrook and watched home movies until i had to go to work. might go out to hacienda tonight with alisha and her sister who is in town. most likely i'll just be lame and vege.

too early

wicked was amazing. i had goose bumps the entire show and tears in my eyes at one point. it was just an all around awesome production. the costumes and set designs were some of the coolest things i've ever seen. everyone should go see it.

i forgot to write about going to the art institute finally. i took work off on wednesday (made up for the hours on thursday) and alisha and i went. i love art and i've lived in chicago for nearly 5 months now...so i figured it was time to go. i didn't know that so many of my favorite paintings were there. i was really excited to see some stuff by chagall and i found the painting by jules breton that willa cather wrote about in her novel with the same title, "song of the lark". they also had a lot of van gogh and rodin. i've now seen 2 of van gogh's self portraits: one at the musée d'orsay in paris and one right here in chicago. alisha also showed me the miniature rooms they have on display, which were amazingly detailed.

btw...i have no idea why i'm up this early. i woke up at 6a.m. and can't get back to sleep. i thought about downloading last night's grey's anatomy, but if i wait until 7p.m. today for the encore it'll save me $1.99 and i'm at a spot right now where two bucks is not chump change.

i think i'll start paint it black by janet fitch. actually...maybe i'll just finally pass out and sleep 'til noon.

the musical

wicked is tonight with the roommates. my christmas present to them...and myself. i've heard great things about it. we have nose bleed seats, but i'm still excited.

then tomorrow is friday, which also translates to "sleep-as-long-as-i-want" day. monday-thursday i actually have to work and be downtown and it always leaves me restless and slightly irritable at the end of the day. even though i work on weekends, it's still seems like a break. no public transportation to deal with and i get to sit and read for the majority of my work day.

i got an email from amy the other day and apparently, her, bores, and kristin are arranging a trip down to me see me in march. i don't know exactly where we're going to put all 3 of them, but we'll find room. i'm looking forward to showing them around.

now all i have to do is get my anna to get down here. my best friend is basically the only close friend who hasn't come visit. that's just not right.

down time

staff meeting and i've run out of things to do. the office has hired 3 more people for our development department, so some people's work stations were rearranged. the desk next to mine used to be empty, but now bess, the assistant to the theatre's group sales department, has moved in along with her thick southern accent. and she talks to herself. constantly. today, she kept repeating in a whisper, "i'm sweating" for about half an hour.

i've almost caught up on all of grey's anatomy...just a few more episodes in the current season to watch on itunes. completely addicted. thank you alisha. :) i think after i'm all caught up with that, i'll finally try to finish season 5 of gilmore girls. i hate tv (minus the food network, of course), but i love shows on dvd.

i'm currently reading son of a witch by gregory maguire, the sequel to wicked. going to see the play at the oriental theatre on thursday with both of the roomies. then on saturday nick is coming with me to see too hot to handel: a jazz gospel messiah at the auditorium with my comp tickets. i read eragon by christopher paolini over break and then finished off the 2^nd book in the triology, eldest, when i got back. the movie is at the theater, but no one wants to see a geeky fantasy with me. after i finish the maguire novel, i have paint it black by janet fitch (author of white oleander, i didn't even know her 2^nd novel had been released until i saw it at borders for 50% off *score*), a collection of novels by virginia wolfe, and bright lights, big city by jay mcinerney, which i've been trying to find forever and finally bought it off half.com. then i think i might re-read book 6 of the harry potter series to refresh myself for when book 7 is released.

at work

went cosmic bowling with nick last night. my first game i got a 137! i beat him, but he clobbered me the second game.

i have the greatest friends

had a great time in michigan. spent lots of time with friends and family. went to coyote joes my last night home with elise and anna and had a blast as usual.

new years was equally great. nick, alisha, and i went to flat-top for dinner, then came back to my apartment and got trashed. played cranium with selena before she went out. i actually missed the ball dropping because we all went out on the back porch and watched the fireworks. it was nice to have someone to kiss and cuddle at midnight.

being stupid with my mom and sister on christmas


alisha and i on new years, drunk as hell...


elise, anna, and i at coyote joes, also drunk as hell (blah, my teeth look yellow)...