fantasy, fatness, and faith

if anyone felt that they could question the fact that i am a complete dork, nerd, geek, ect...i shall now settle the matter for you.

i've been reading a game of thrones by george r. r. martin since yesterday and am absolutely in love. AND...it's a 5 book series. i play WoW and read series from the sci-fi/fantasy section in the bookstore. i am officially a huge nerd.

the cool thing is, i'm totally ok with that. seriously though, the book is genius. martin has created a world like tolkien, just not as fantastical. it's like king arthur meets eragon. yum yum yum.

had my second appointment with my new therapist today and had to basically tell her my entire life story, starting from elementary school. i couldn't remember anything tramatic except the fact that i realized being chubby meant boys didn't like you as much as the skinny girls. that came about when jesse lones dumped me for christy bores in fifth grade.

tomorrow i am hoping to convince my old boss from lane bryant to hire me back again.

someone should volunteer with me

my body aches. yesterday i went with mark, bryan, fitz, and john to a private park in davison. we went kayaking, paddle boating, and played a round of put put golf. brian and mark fell out in the middle of the lake multiple times. the first time mark fell out he had been intending to save me, but it was brian and not me that had flipped over. i love my mark. :) my arms are burnt, but i had a really great time.

at the end of this month i plan on volunteering at michigan pride which will be taking place in lansing's riverfront park. if anyone wants to come along, let me know. also, september 16 is detroit's AIDS walk. i'm hoping anna will walk with me, but haven't heard from her about it yet. if anyone wants to walk or donate money towards my fundraising, please let me know. i'd really appreciate either one. details on the event can be found here.

i hate my bed

can't sleep. saw the new fantastic four today with mark, brian, and fitz. corny acting, but it wasn't too bad. mark is such a great friend. he can make me smile no matter how shitty i'm feeling.

tomorrow is my first appointment at the new clinic. hoping it helps some.

i'm seriously considering asking my cousin if i can stay with him in arizona if i find a job out there. there are none here and i think i might fair better in a new place if i had justin around. i'd have to see what the area is like. i couldn't deal with the big city again. he wants me to come visit soon, so maybe that'll help me make a decision. i know he'd say yes if i asked. he's wonderful like that.

something i'm working on...

i do not remember waking in this room
this room that is not my own
but it is not the birth
that frightens me

it is the days
spent here beneath the ceiling
tumbling over bits of reason
without a way to keep them

i sit here in the center
of a bed with no blanket
today there are rips that were not there before
stains i don’t remember making

they’ve painted the walls with blame
because i do not bleed
i can not stay here
here in this room that is not my own

i am in my own mind
i am locked in the wrong house

back

it's been a while...but maybe i'll start using this thing again. just not at this moment.