the night before the wedding

i've decided to boycott relationships. life is too complicated with a boy. unless some amazing specimen drops out of the sky into my lap and fulfils my every requirement, i think i'll take a break for a while. i'm too fucking fragile. the only benefit i've gotten from my past several relationships is the drama and pain that fuels my writing. that and having kevin as a close friend. for all who are uninformed...he's the cat's pajamas. artistic fuel is worth it, of course, but i currently have enough drama in my life to suffice. i'm a firm believer in the idea that most people have to be in some sort of physical or mental turmoil to truly create as a writer. this includes just being fucking crazy. i have enough great men in my life to be satisfied. i need a new vibrator.

ashley actually came downstairs and talked to me about what was bothering her last night. this might sound insignificant to most people, but not to me. she keeps everything inside and usually doesn't give me the opportunity to understand what she's going through. before i went downstairs to read, i kissed her on the forehead, told her i loved her, and said if there was anything she wanted to talk about that i'd be right downstairs. 15 minutes later she came down and talked with me. it was great. i think i was able to make her feel better. i felt like i did my duty as a big sister.

ash went to bed around 1:30. i ended up sitting around text messaging bren until 4a.m. and then passed out. tonight i'm going to a lonestar concert with my parents. don't ask me why i consented to this. i'd rather be babysitting the kids. i miss them. but i guess it will be nice to spend some time with my parents as long as they don't fight. i know my dad is going to wear his country boy get-up. i've found that there is something very disturbing about a jewish man in a cowboy hat. after the concert i'm spending the night at elise's because our hair appointment is at 8a.m. tomorrow morning. the wedding starts at 10:30. i'm excited.

it's driving me crazy that our printer isn't working. i want to print off the last few things i need to finish my zine, but i'd have to go and pay someone to do it. and i'm horribly poor.