the past few days have been eventful. lots of ups and downs. lots of tears. a lot of happiness and a lot of pain.
kristy's wedding was perfect. she looked gorgeous, everything went smoothly, the weather was amazing. the cottages were a lot of fun and the location was just beautiful. we danced to our senior class song together and i caught the bouquet. she seemed to be happy with everything which made me happy. my girl is now someone's wife.
saturday night i made it to anna's bachelorette party around 11:30p.m. elise, anna, and i drank large amounts of alcohol and basically acted like idiots until 6 or 7a.m. we were all stupidly emotional and telling each other how much we love one another the entire time. sometimes the effects of alcohol can be kind of sweet. my leaving made it slightly nostalgic and hard.
after sleeping at anna's apartment for a few hours, i had to get up and head to waterford for the bat mitzvah. on the way there i got stuck behind a crazy woman in a taxi doing 20m.p.h. for 20 minutes. no joke. waterford must have the least amount of 'do not pass' zones in the state due to the lakes. i was not in an ideal state to deal with lame drivers. the party was crazy extravagant as i had imagined it would be. everything seemed to go well and leah looked happy. as at every family function i've ever been to, there was drama, but it didn't escalate to the point of ruining leah's day, which i was happy about.
i slept until 5p.m. the next day, which should give everyone an idea of how exhausted i was. saw the lakehouse with ashley after having dinner together at applebees. it was a nice love story. i wish i could build a house on a lake. contribute to the construction of the building i plan to live my life in. it seems natural.
yesterday i met with mary jo and picked up my bridesmaid dress for the wedding on saturday. then i visited kevin. we got thai food for dinner and went to the park. we did cartwheels in the rain and he took photos. i'm not used to spending so much time outside, but i'm always happy after he convinces me to go. there was a huge rainbow on the drive home. i felt genuinely content for a while.
then things turned sad and i cried. it was hard and i couldn't help feeling like i wasn't good enough anymore. but i didn't want to upset him cause i knew he hurt too. i had been there. so i tried hard to be okay. sometimes i feel like he doesn't talk to me about his feelings so both of our actions and words become fuzzy. i wanted to talk but it was late.
i talked to bren on the drive home. he never takes anything seriously and he made me smile despite things. then i got home and the night was thrown in my face. to share that personal experience like it was some type of art was distasteful and hurt me.
all beautiful things are temporary and fade with time. that's what makes them beautiful. story of my life.
3 comments:
all personal experience for me are art. i've told you this, i've explained this to you. life is beautiful. life is art.
i agree. my poems are all about personal experience. this doesn't need to be explained to me.
your depiction wasn't how it was for me. it wasn't something i saw as beautiful at that moment. it hurt even though it might not have been right. it was still a type of rejection. the way you made it so simplistic, as if i was content. that's what hurt me. it felt false.
the entire day was beautiful. pain can be beautiful. i felt like you abused mine and represented it falsely. you cut up a perfectly beautiful moment of emotion and depicted it from one viewpoint. i just felt like it was ruined.
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