mermaids with wings

i have low self-esteem sometimes, but right now, i'm really glad that i've become the woman i am.

i realize college and school in general is not for everyone. it really irks me when people immediately deduct that people who don't persue education after high school are bound to be losers or assume that because i'm going to grad school that this is my mindset. my father has his own business and is a great man and he never graduated high school. dave never finished college and he's doing something he enjoys and is good at. kevin got his ged and he's one of the most intelligent and awesome people i've ever met. he taught himself how to take photos and he's amazing. he's passionate about meaningful things that most people can't extract themselves from their own existance long enough to pay attention to. if i could do something that i love without schooling, i would probably take that path. college costs too fucking much. but i love to learn and i enjoy being a poor college student, so it was a good path for me.

what i don't understand is when people don't allow themselves the chance to grow after the high school segment of their lives. you have to experience new things to allow yourself the chance to become the best person you can be. there's just so much i want to do. i want to get my masters and hopefully one day my phd. i want to travel to so many places. i want to volunteer, build homes for the disadvantaged, experience new cultures, learn about religions. i want to write about everything and discuss everything. i want to take pictures of life and laugh with new laughter. i want to go on road trips with other hungry souls, sit in silence amongst nature's beauty, drive down roads i've never seen, eat food that i've never heard of, and live a life that, when i'm on my death bed, i can look back at and say, "yes, i lived."

doesn't everyone have the inner desire for these things? don't their hearts ache for the new and unimaginable?

i thought i had left the part of my life behind that was about childish bickering and name calling. i guess i was too busy enjoying life with great friends to realize that a large majority of people get stuck and don't care enough to pull themselves out. maybe all they have to hold on to is the past because they don't have the dreams and adventures that i have awaiting me in my future. for the first time in my life i'm not angry or upset by childish drama. it just makes me a little sad and nostalgic, but happy and confident at the same time. and greatful for the friends that i have now who are just caring, compassionate, and special people who i will have by my side during all the awesomeness of the years to come.