go back to bed

it's 6a.m. and i'm up. why? no idea. i've been a really restless sleeper lately. i'd love nothing more than to just fall deep into dreamless sleep for a night, but that doesn't seem possible at the present time. for some reason i think it might have to do with my lack of physical contact since i've left michigan. hugs and snuggles have a calming effect on me. without my mommy, anna, and charles, i'm lacking in the department.

i feel like i went from kid to adult in 5 seconds flat. i went from having no responsibilities this past summer to having more than i ever have. i know my limits and i'm getting nervous i may have over-stepped them. i suppose that is yet to be seen. deep down i'd really just like to show myself that i can handle it, but i'm afraid my writing will suffer and that bothers me a lot.

i had a fantastical time with ashley. we're all giggles and smiles when we're together and this past week has been no exception. it was also really nice to see my aunt, uncle, and my dad. sometimes i think that i neglect my dad because i'm such a mommy's girl, so it was nice to see just him for this visit. my aunt missy is just too much fun. i love her to pieces. she's the one part of my dad's side of the family that i believe genuinely cares about me and that means a lot. i miss my cousins.

missing people is a strange thing. with some i've noticed that i see things throughout my week that remind me of them and then i think...aww, i miss "insert name of friend/family" here. this type of missing really isn't that bad. the other type is slightly more complex. with other people in my life there seems to be this constant ache. to be completely cliche, i understand why people have associated love with the heart, because it's there; a hollowness in the chest. i have this with anna and my sister mostly. i miss my mom, but in a completely unique way. sometimes it feels like leaving anna came with both types of missing. it's hard to see things everyday that make me smile or laugh or cry and not have her there waiting for me after class or across the hall to share the moments with.

on another completely unrelated note; i met a boy. he's nice.