ramblings

everyone around me is so angry or sad or frustrated. mainly due to money or feeling alone. except those who are in love. they float around like nothing and everything matters.

do i want this? is it a positive? it's supposed to save me. i'm not sure about that. shouldn't i save myself first? is it within our ability to save ourselves? is it in my ability? maybe i wasn't made like that.

it's hard to be surrounded by marriages that end up with more hate and pain then happiness and comfort. sometimes i think i'd be happy just being surrounded by friends for the rest of my life. a bunch of single creators that are only concerned with themselves, their small circle of loved ones, and a bigger picture. when there are disagreements there is no divorce, no sticking around in a union that reflects nothing that it's supposed to stand for. no requirements but love. if you grow apart, there's no mess, no resentment...just postive memories. i suppose nothing is this pure.

but i'd probably miss the devotion. the feeling special. the "requirements". i miss that now. i try to make the important people in my life feel special and provide them with devotion enough that they would know i'd be there in a phone call. but people don't seem to need me like i need them.